YOU

It hurts every time a tear falls down
It hurts even more to watch her cry
And heart screams inside
Why did you have to go?
Why did you make her cry?

She can feel your touch every night
And soft kiss of your lips
Your voice calms her down
Your smile lights her up
And every time you say goodbye
She begs for one more hug
And when she feels low she can count on you to bring back her glow

...omg.. i jus hope that one day, ill be at the beach in miami, drinkin margaritas and laughin my ass with my bestest friend Stella.... I hope that i will have all the money, so i wont have to worry bout nothing... and i hope that i will have all the people around me that love me amd and i love them too... XOXO

if not one thing, than the other

karma is a bitch, hell yea.. thats my "saynig:" for today. gosh... im startin to believe that everything that i did wrong in my life now is catchin up with me and payin me back big timez... eh... waiste of time to talk about it, but i can tell u one thing........ it dsnt feel so good when karma is catchin up with you....
hmmm... i dnt knw what to say... but if nnot one thing is happenin in my life than the other it is... gosh... faken problems all the time... im so fed up with all this shit........ i jus want to relax, close my eyes and jus stay in a quiet zone, far from everyone and everything. im tired of dealin with everyone's shit. If its not my borther causin problems, then its king drama, my bopyfirned, IF not that...then i have to take care of my parents and deal with their stuff and if NOT THAT... then my BFF Stella...and IF NOT THAT... then jus in general problems......... Gosh......seriously i just wana go away, throw my cell phone away, burn my computer and jus sit on the beach and drink martini .... hehehehehehehe i dnt knw.. theres so much inside of me right now.. but it wuld take me this whole nite to write half of it... Im mad, frustarted, confused.... i dont know what to do anymore...
all im thinkin about is that freaken vacation in vegas.. gosh.. i wana go there more than anything else.. i wana get on that plain and fly away from ny. i wana spend there sumtime.. meet new ppl and see how diffent is vegas than new york... omg... i cnt waite for it........its like the dream comes tru...

Ok... so here is this one thing that totally threw me off today... About 4 oclock i got a message from my boyfriend where do i work... I figure he came to the city to see me and chill a bit. Oh that got me so happy, cuz I really thought I wont see him till he fixes his car. So we met up and we decided to get something to eat at Fridays. We got our table, sat down and here it is where everything went off.. I told my boyfriend to sit next to me so i could hug him and kiss him. ehehhee.. and 2 minutes later i see tears in his eyes !!!!! and I kinda panicked. I had like million thoughts on my mind. U know sometimes i cry because i feel down, or im jus realli sad cuz of whats been happenin to me around... but HE is a guy. He should be stronger about stuff like that and even if go gets his emotional moments like I do, he shouldnt b ashame to say "im feelin sad". So when i see him tearing, I get so worry that i jus ask him "are you cryin?, whats wrong? did something happen?" AND HE GETS SO PISSED AT ME !!!. Gosh... Hr gives me so much shit for sayin that, that I actully feel quilty and Im tryint to think WTF did i do wrong?!! ANd then he says to me" you always DO this. You always say that!" and i wuz jus sittin next to that nigga, thinkin SAY what? Do what? Gosh... Anywyaz.. i drop the topic. I tried to talk about my day and all the stupid stuff that happened so he can jus take his mind off THAT THINGS THAT I DO AND SAY TO HIM... buhahahaha.. and even though i show him that i dnt think about his breakdown and i try to stay away from the topic, it still bothers me inside.. I jus keep thinkin WTF is wrong with him... AND its soooooooo sad that he cant just tell me. When he walks me to the train, he tells me to NOT to mention his breakdown on the phone, cuz he will talk to me about that when he see me. Eh........ SOUNDS like something realli important..... but if he cant even talk to me over the fone or sum shit like that... that he feelin sad/depressed or at least mention to me that he did somehting and he wana talk to me about it... ehhhhhh PLIZ.. what kind of a boyfriend he is? AFter all this time he cant even tell me what its bothering him... Well thats not the end of the story. I called him bout 10, jus to see if hes ok and i wnated him to tell me why he cried at the restaurant.... but he jus kept sayiun "respect my wishes" RESPECT >>WHAT????? nigga i aint askin you to faken go to alaska and leave there for 2 years...all im aksin u is to come clean and explain why u were cryin...........!!!!!!!! buhahahhaa...w.e. I guess we'll have to waite to see whats ganna happen next !!!!! Stay with Kasia and her excitment life for more information ... buahhahahaha

W T F !!!/..

September 16, 2007

Fuck, I feel like crap. Yesterday I found out that my best friend Stella may leave the country in February. OMG. What a faken shock!! and Who the Fuck Am I gana talk? Who the fuck am I gana go shoppin with? Who the fuck is gana give me all these great advices... FUCk...FUck..Fuck... Wow... I knew she MAY have to leave the country but like allways I faken ignored that and I decided just to not think about it But now it just sucks so badly. I feel like Ill lose so much if she goes there.. I mean come on, We've been best friends since we came to this country. I know her like my own pocket in my ripd jeans and she knows me better than anyone else. When she told me "February" I wuz like "what?" Time goes so fast that you cant even look back and she tells me, she may leave in like few months. Grrrr..Fck this whole thing. Gosh. and if she go, What the fuck im suppose to do? Jus look for a new friend , like that is so easy in this stupid ass country, full of morons and hatred bitches......
Well i guess im really thinkin bout this, cuz of what had happend today. It jus felt realli wierd, like we dont connect anymore. I feel like shes jus gettin distance from me and i dont think its cuz we dont spend enough time together. Fucken on the fone almost everyday, askin her wuz up and me tellin her all my faken day. I jus dont get it , how after all ths time she cnt even tell me in my face how she feels.. Like today, she wuz like all quiet, pretendin like everything is perfect, and then when i left i had to text her and confrot her that The Whole Day With Her Wuz Jus So Faken Wierd, Like Never Before, so then she tells me its all my fault and im actin like some stupid Heidi from the tv show. and here i am, thinkin WTF. Im trin so hard not only to please her, but also my annyin bf. hahaha... I mean.. i wana spend as much time with her as i can, but with our busy schedules its hard to have that. School, work, Homeworks, Other shit, Anywywaz....... So i do try, I try to satuisfy that bitch as much as i Can, ANd HELL YEA,, I DO it cuz I wana, I do it - cuz i want this friendship and i want it to be the greatest one ever, and DNT YOU faken think that i do it, cuz i have to.......or some shit like that........NO. i do it cuz i faked it up once n i dont wana do it again. Lmao. I sed staisfy b4, i dnt know what it is that im tryin to do, but i know one thing...... i love her so much and i jus want her to be hapy. and I want her to say it in my face that she hates my bf and she thinks hes so ugly and hes not the one for me and i want her to say, LISTEN if hes pickin u up, call him and tell him to cum later, mayb bout 7. or 8 if u can stay till that late so we can do sum stuff.. BUt she dsnt. She jus suck it up inside and she pretends like everryting is ok even thou is not... Grrrrrrrrrrrr...Anywywaz... after all this krazy shit that i jus wrote, which didn make sense at all.. i jus wana say... that i love her a lot... i mean i would sacrifice my life... lol (cryin, lol) i think she would use it good...lmao...... hahahah...yea.....

I know where I stand. I know who I am. I would never run away when life gets bad. Everything I see - every part of me is going to get what I deserve.

Im thinking how to start, what to say. should i sing a song or write a poem? huh. i dont think none of these would matter right now. I dnt know how i feel any more. My boyfriend... oh my boyfriend... sometimes i think he's perfect, but the next day i see... he's just like other people - not perfect. There's no person in this world that is perfect. Everyone has something that is wrong with them. I dont know where to start, but my boyfriend he thinks he is a superman. he thinks he's undefided. Well... to say in a easy way and not to hurt anyone, I would just say - You are not perfect and you wont be. Its not even about being perfect, but the way he thinks. Oh Gosh. he thinks that every guy that talks to me wants to fuck. Hello? This isnt some 15th century or w.e. ya'll call, but people think about gettting friends, gettin new connections, meetin new cultures not about fuckin others.. grrr.. when i hear him sayin this.. God Bless Him, but he is so Goddammn worng on this one. And you know what i hate the most about him, the way he fix everything, Whenever something happens its never his fault. Usually he blames on me. Well its easy to do it when Im aound. huh? Today he blamed me for a fuckin traffic on the street. and then he asked me why i didnt check online if there was a traffic. I mean WHO the fuck thinks about checkin if there is or if there is not a traffic on the way to brooklyn. I mean you have to be in a hurry or smoething to even think about checkin that shit online. That was jus sick and i think i have all the rights to say that he was wrong on blaming that shit on me. grrrr... let's face it - he is this kind of person that no matter what it HAS TO BE ALL ABOut him. I MAY B cryin, i may feel dead and he will come with the lamest problem to make everything all about him. I dont know if he aint getttin much attention from his parents and thats why no matter what everything gotta b about him at the end of the day or hes jus tryin to get my attention and give him sme affection in this sick way, whiich drives me crazy.
Well there is also this other thing. He allways has an excuse. it can be the most stupid thing ever, but he will still say it, jus soo he has some excuse. lol...

well lets just forget all of what i jus said and let me tell u what i hate the most. I hate when he's late. You dont even know how mad it drives me. . hahahah... . Last time he came late again, even though he was late about a minute. Well imagine if the ambulance was late a minute? What if something happened to me in a minute? What if police didnt get there in that minute? What if....... He said he was late a minute, and i told him SOmetimes a minute can save a life.... now, isint that tru? Would you like for the ambulance to be there on time and save your life? or would you like for the ambulance to be late a minute and you die in thAt matter of that one fuckin minute. Life is krazy. Life is crucial..... cdn